HOW I FEEL AFTER READING A FASHION MAGAZINE

Like I need everything in the world and right now.

A good portion of my teenage summers were spent on my parent’s back patio in a straps-left-dangling-around-my-breasts swimsuit.  My skin baked so I can achieve the perfect tan; achieve it again and again. And because baking skin is not a comfortable feeling, a lap of fashion magazines helped to break up the time between my front and my ass.  There was Seventeen, Allure, Marie Claire, and InStyle.  And being my closet-doubting self, a hideous disease in it's own right, I compiled a list of future purchases gleaned straight my favorite mags. 

My latest episode, with a tragic copy of Marie Claire, happened this way: I saw a photograph of a woman in a casual checked blazer with slicked back blonde hair.  I pictured my closet in front of me, my clothes, or what I could remember of them… What did I have, even?  A few blazers that I loved but never wore.  But, I’ll wear checks and can wear it without a top, just a lacey bra, and jeans, and look like I’m not just a kid, and maybe to a big event!  I could dye my hair too.  My listing binge left me feeling only a little inspired and a lot like my brain could not rest, because I needed more than just a checked blazer to look fashionable.

A few years later and I say fuckity fuck those magazines!  I may look at your pretty pictures, but I won’t fall under your evil spell!  No.  No.  But thanks all the same.

So, what now?  If I was over fashion, I wouldn’t be writing about it.  And make no mistake, I am not over it, don’t let my pretending fool you.  But I am trying to be over letting fashion magazines cause me, and my closet, to feel inadequate.  Frankly said, I'm spending less time teetering on the edge of irrational clothing worship in favor of independent thought.  And in the spirit of this freedom fostering post, there is of course always the promise that if I'm able to get out of my pajamas in the morning (sometimes an usually hard task), I get the chance to create, buy, and wear on my terms.